Strive

Complacency sets in when we think we are alright.  Many of us are in our comfort zone.  Alright and OK is certainly not the way to live.  When we were young we had many big dreams.  As we grow up, we tell ourselves that being alright and OK is good enough.  Dreams are what they are.  Just as it is spelt.  Nice to have but  not really possible.  We then psycho ourselves into believing just that.  What we believe is real.  If you believe it cannot be done.  You are right.  If you think it is not possible, you are damned right too.  After all no one believed that it is humanly possible to run

Dear Datuk...

A few people have asked me to write again.  Since it is the Hari Raya break, I will try and see how disciplined I can get.

I was having breakfast with SK and her granny.  A mail came through.  SK, I do not know if you realized but i was not concentrating on what you were talking about.  I was just replying in mono syllable. You saw me fidgeting with the iPhone. This was what I wrote. From the breakfast till you let me off at my place.

Dear Datuk,

You need to just ask if you want to get info. A briefing was made on the Saturday when you were not at the meeting. God knows what else each and everyone of us wants to know.

We need people to work on the ground. Each and everyone of us have our hands full. Currently myself and Jack is handling most of the issues at the Condo.  You could also provide your assistance where possible since you are without any portfolio to handle.  Actually you asked to do nothing when the work was distributed out.

We need to work together. Being in the Council means going to the ground and seeing to it that things get moving. And moving it ourselves.  We need to dirty our hands. Not ordering things around. Here we are not bosses but coolly. And we are dealing with human beings.

As for the outstanding that is so huge do sit down and understand where and why it is there.  We started with almost RM1.5m in the red.

It is time we stop finding who inflicted the wound. Instead we should give due attention to the wounded. Instead of asking who shot the arrow maybe you want to get the wounded treated. The perpetrator if they are, will always be caught sooner or later.

I do take offense. It's time we ask ourselves what we have done in this 5 months instead of what the previous Committee has done.  Your words are insinuating that the Committee were lackadaisical. Especially when we don't even know why things are what they are. We have actually done nothing.

I really wanted to click send.  But I knew that the damage could be irreparable. So I held my horses.  I called the bugger and told him that we should sit down and talk. I just want peace and not fights.  There is already too much on my plate to start off with.

We are Screwed!

I was at Maxis to pay my bills.  I waited patiently at one of the counters.  There was this "three fella crowd" at the next counter. Two of them were foreign students from Africa.  I never liked them because most of them are rowdy.  The other was a gal, I think a Malay gal.  Maybe I like to stereotype them but I have heard more than enough times how these gals fall for the Africans.  My conclusion is that their dongs are so huge that the gals will give anything to taste them and have them in the theirs.

Well, this time, it was different.  I felt good that the gal was defending the African students.  Apparently another African student cheat had come to the Maxis counter and reported that his SIM card was lost.  They processed a new SIM card without verifying his identity thoroughly.  After obtaining the SIM card, the felon used it to withdraw money from the African student's bank account.  How it works I have no idea.  But the money is obviously gone.  So those of us who use mobile phones to do our internet banking better be careful.

I overhead the gal telling the guys,
"This is Malaysia.  In this country everything is very slow.  They will try to push you here and there. Nobody will care about you.  It never is their problem.  No one will take responsibility.   Unless you help yourself, no one will.    Only when you put their ass on fire will they do something." 

Normally, I would have been ashamed by what that gal said.  How could she belittle her own country like that.  Is this not treachery?

Instead  I was very proud of her.  That she was willing to stand for what is right.  She was willing to go the extra mile to help the foreigner out.

We as a nation are really screwed.  We have a structural flaw that I do not think will ever change in my lifetime.  That is another story for another day.

Today 7 April

Today has been an exceptional day indeed.  I cannot remember when it was when everything went so smoothly.

I went into meeting today hoping to try wriggle a discount or something from the contractor.  We were suppose to pay them their dues from the insurance claim.  I told myself maybe try for a couple of thousand ringgit.  I did not have to lift a finger too much.  They offered to install six industrial size exhaust fans FOC where we needed it most to ventilate the machines.  That's a whopping savings of a lot of money!

The car is finally done.  I downgraded the shocks to original specification earlier.  But I realized that the ride is not stable during high speed.  Good things do not come cheap I suppose.   So finally I would be able to ride it like what it used to be.  The rides during the last month was really uncomfortable and dangerous.

The restaurant manager was on leave.  We normally would like him to take our orders.  We like our food a little bland, with less oil and salt.  His stand in was able to accede to our needs. This is not always the case. So the food was good and we enjoyed the lunch.

The vendor's lawyer finally forwarded the redemption sum to my solicitor, after a three week delay.  First the vendor tried to frustrate the deal by giving one excuse after another.  Then they came up with a completely lopsided contract that cannot be performed.  Took the bull by its horns.  The deal took more than a year to get through.  So I finally will get what is mine from the beginning.

The sun finally shone as I arrived home. I managed to get my car washed.  And it did not rain after the wash. A good sign indeed because I can almost bet that it will always rain after the wash.  Yes, no matter how sunny it is!

My handyman called in today.  He is free and ready to work on my home.  Well the long wait is finally over.  He can come over and work on them before they fall apart.  Just when I needed him most, he appears!!!

To cap it all, I finally managed to taste the Snowflakes dessert.  I watched in dismay the queue at the only place I know that served it.  Pavilion.  Finally, today, at of all places, at Kuchai Lama, I was treated to one by a friend.

I must say a prayer later so that this continues for the rest of my living days.

Love & Relationship

I met a friend recently over a meal. We are pretty close and I kinda sensed something was amiss.  He has just started on a relationship.  A long distance one to be exact.

He poured his heart's content out to me and I listened intently.

I am no guru in this field, failing myself to get anything off the ground after coming to terms three years after my one and only nine year relationship collapsed.  Through those trying times to keep the relationship together and through those rough times when I was left licking my wounds, I learn a lot.  After coming to terms with the breakup, there was a constant fear of history repeating itself.  The guards were up to avoid being inflicted. It took three long years before I tried again. I offered him some insights into my thoughts.

Some people are naturally very good with their words and actions.  Being lovey dovey with words and actions.  Others are just very straight forward and plain.  However strong your hints are, they ain't no nice words coming out from their mouth.  Whichever side we belong to depends on the environment we operate from and our upbringing.  There is no right and no wrong.  You will know if he is your man when your chips are down, when you run out of steam.  For whatever salt he is worth, your man will stand by you.

Some words are harsh.  Some words are so sharp that they slice your heart continuously like a scalpel would.  Again and again, your man will do it unto you, knowing very well that you will writhe and convulse in pain.  The truth is never easy to accept.  Neither is it nice to hear.  The truth hurts.  However, only your closest and most faithful will call a spade a spade!  And when you think that he is going to let you bleed to death, your man will pick you up and nurse you back to life. He should.

When all is sunny, nothing can go wrong.  The test is when your chips are down.  Will he be there for you? When you no longer are "new", pretty and sparkling, will he be there?  When the music has stopped and when the reality of what the life of a couple is all about sets in, will you both be there for each other? Through good and bad times.

Now that the courtship is over, you are two different individuals trying to co-exist and live as one. There are bound to be differences.  You cannot have things your way, he cannot have things his way.  If he had given in to you most or all the time before this, then you must be prepared to accept that  his mating dance may have come to a halt. Eventually it will.   The sparks which transformed into a plethora of fireworks will eventually turn into flickers and subsequently embers.  The same repertoire of fireworks will bore you after a while anyway!

You will go through different phases of your lives as a couple.  Every day there will be new discoveries and new things to explore.  There will be new frontiers to pursue as you both grow and learn to live with each other.  Along the way, if you open yourself up and are willing to embrace him for what he is, you will learn to accept his peculiarities.  He will learn to change and adapt to yours.  You will both learn to appreciate the diversity of each others' thoughts and actions as much as the similarities you both share.

"SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. 

It will NEVER just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. 

You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. "

While yesterday your feelings towards him might be through the hot blooded raging hormones, today you might fall for his looks and physique.  Maybe you like his level of maturity which is way beyond his age.  Tomorrow and for rest of the days to come, you both will have to accept that sincerity and caring for each other through thick and thin will be the only thing that will bind you both together.  Not the looks that will droop.  Not the physique that will sag.  We will all age, be wrinkled and crouch. There will be sickness and eventually death.  You will have to learn to accept all this.

If he is going to cheat on you, he will.  He can do it right under your nose.  He will do it on your bed.  Nothing is going to stop him from doing just that.  You will never ever find out!  Some of us try to read too much into actions and words.  We think we are smart.  We judge even though we say we would not and we are not.  We assume and we presume.  All in the name of trying to protect ourselves.  Not knowing that this will be the first straw that may eventually pave the road for the unsightly end.  Trust him for what he is.  Until you find out otherwise, don't doubt him.  Why did you both agree to walk down the path of life together if you doubt his faithfulness at this very early days of you both coming together?

The acid test of a relationship is whether you will put him ahead of you.  Will you put his needs and life above yours?  The ultimate test is, WILL YOU DIE FOR HIM? Maybe for now you would not.  Somewhere down the road you will have to answer this for yourself.  If you are willing to, then you are his man.  If his actions and not just his words speak the same, then you have your man.

Here I am Again!!!

It has been a long while since I blogged. I have been busy but not necessarily productive.  I signed in and Skyhawk's post was right at the top of my blog list.  I read it and then realized that three months have gone past 2011.

It is time to turn on the heat and get things up and running. More commitments are coming my way and I shall need to work things out if I am going to hold it all together.  Maybe the plan has been too ambitious.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I hope I have not overstretched myself and spread it too thinly. I do not want to hit the wall and come to a dead end, so to speak. If you are keen on personal loan in singapore

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I managed to catch "the" snippet from YouTube.  I wonder and wondered.  Would you have someone or your minder come into your room and see that everything is alright before you bed a person?   It does not make sense right?

Those Were The Days

A chat with a fellow blogger set me writing this post.  We were chatting about life during our varsity days.  I remember vividly till today this part of my days in Melbourne.

I am from an average working class family.  There was enough food on the table each day.  Though there wasn't any luxury and nothing left to splash around.  Whatever was available was saved for our education.

I remember being very careful with my money.  There was only so much available.  I did not want to stress my parents up with more than was necessary.

I lived on a budget of  less than AUD100 budget a week for everything from rent to food and transport.  Those days were trying.  It was hard and maybe harsh.  I remember jotting down everything that I spent every single day to keep tab of the spending so that I did not burst my budget.

I used to buy those no frills brand groceries.  No frills rice doesn't taste nice for sure.  This much I can say. The no frills instant noodles were as you would have guessed, made in Bolehland. The rest would be bought based on what is on sale.  Sometimes I'll get a good bargain when they marked down substantially those items that were about to expire or has just expired.  Yes, I used to live on those.

Meat and vegetables were bought from the market at about noon.  This is when they try to dispose them off cheaply.  Meat was chicken, chicken and more chicken. And it was always the cheapest cut, Maryland.

While the rest had their wheels, I traveled by public transport.  Occasionally I would give myself a treat by going downtown for some window shopping.  I normally don't have anyone moving around with me then.  Friends invite you to come along now and again.  But after you have turned them down a few times, they no longer ask.  I simply couldn't because I worked.  The other reason was because I did not have the dough they had.  It would be odd when they go eat at some Chinese restaurants while I excuse myself.

During my second year I was able to give myself a weekly treat.  I used to eat Chinese at the Union Cafeteria once a week.  Just to perk my spirit up.  But this did not last long.  Before the second semester started, I lost all my money.  The bank went bust and I had all my money there.  Everything.  And the Government did nothing about it till very very much later.  From my summer break earnings to my second semester tuition fees, I lost everything.  I didn't tell them at home because I did not want them to worry.  Besides there isn't much to go around.  And it would be really unfair to my other siblings.

\So from having one four hour part time job a week, I now had three.  At one point in time I remember having four jobs.  I worked in a local Malaysian Chinese restaurant.  I worked as a night filler in a supermarket.  I worked as a research assistant with one of my lecturers and I worked as a cleaner at the university flats.  Yes, I do a far better job than those shoddy cleaners here.  Imagine having to clean up the refuse strewn by those China mature students who chuck their wet garbage from the doorways. The building manager liked me because I made sure that it would be cleaned spick and span before his bosses and the directors come to inspect the next morning.  And the only way to make sure of that is to clean it at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning!

I skipped the lectures and tutorials of one of the core subjects. The class was really early and I had to work till the wee hours of the morning at the supermarket.   I talked to the tutor who was very understanding.  He let me off.   Reading up before entering the rest of the other lectures were essential because I hardly had time to revise.  The lectures were also the only times I had for that topic of the subject.

Failing was not an option at all. That would have meant staying back another semester or year. That simply means more money!  I remember having one paper which carried a full 100 marks.  You sit in the exam hall for two hours. If you screwed up, the whole year's effort would have gone down the gutter.  That included two big assignments which carried no marks.  And if you did not do the assignments, you would be failed no matter how well you scored in the two hour examination.  If you break, we'll see you next year.  One whole year.  There ain't no such thing as referred papers over here.

Things slowly changed.  By the end of my studies, I had saved a bit. So much so I could treat my family when they came over for my graduation.  Except for their flight tickets I covered all the expenses for their one week stay Down Under.

Yeah.  I never got it easy.  It was tough.  Given another chance I would not want to go through it again.  This is not the normal experience many of us would go through during our undergraduate days.  I wish it was not like this.  But it served it's purpose.  It helped build character, personality and resilience.