Thursday, January 6, 2011

Darcy

I have known this friend for a while now.  Let's just call him Darcy.  I know him as a closeted person.  Coming from a conservative family, I think the idea of getting married would have been put across to him by his parents many times. 

A few months back, I bumped into him at the LCCT.  He was with a girl.  Darcy was waiting for his flight.  The gal was sending him off.  I was taken by surprised.  I asked if that was his gal which he acknowledged.  We chat at great length through text while I was in BKK.

I knew who he was and what he really wanted.  I was really taken aback.  If he was not being truthful to himself, he surely will be living in misery. Worse still people will get hurt.  I got to know how he met the gal. Darcy also told me how long they have been together.  I asked if this is what he really wants?  He was silent and the text stopped.

During the eve of this New Year he was online.  This time he initiated the conversation.  Darcy is holed up at somewhere in Vietnam.  He will be there for a good six month at least.  He was entrusted to start up the operation of his company there.  Darcy told me how lonely he was there.  As usual, after exchanging a few pleasantries and some ice breaking conversation, I asked when he was going to get married.  He said soon.  I asked if he was sure this was what he wanted.  He hung up.

I bet my last dollar this is not what he wanted.  But he wants to be the goody boy to please his parents.  This gal was also introduced to him by his parents.  Besides his parents, he probably was under pressure from his friends who by now are either married or attached already.

I feel sorry for him.  This is not what he wants.  BUT only he can stand up for himself.  Without which, Darcy will have to suffer the consequences.  I can understand if he was not and are not sure of himself.  But in this case he knows.  Darcy is smart. He should make a stand and stick with his gun,  bite the bullet and live his life. So he hurt no one.

Sometimes we just have to be cruel to be kind.   We have to be selfless and think of others.  This may seem like a paradox.  How can I think of others when I do not give them what they want?  BUT we fail to realize that we are just putting up a front and kidding them, the very people we are trying to please.  Making them believe that there will be happiness ever after.

When the curtain comes down, when it finally dawn upon us that this is not what we really want, all hell will break loose.  Think of their misery when the innocent catch us with our pants down.  Whichever way and however we try to justify our actions it still can never be right.

I hope Darcy comes to his senses and be truthful to himself .  He owes this to the innocent gal.

7 comments:

jun said...

Definitely agree with you, sometime we need to be cruel to be kind. Once he married with that girl, is no longer his own life that being affected anymore. It will be 2 people life and not to mention his future children. It would be very complicated if he ends up being one of those guys that cheated on his wife with other guys.

DeluSion said...

I can't believe this happens even in this century...

Skyhawk said...

I believe he is smart enough to decide what he wants and don's think he is stupid man. There isn't right or wrong in such situation...

Janvier said...

He already knows what he's going through. Just probably not ready for confrontations of any sort, including the directness of your questions?

nicky05 said...

may be mind our own business and not questioning him like auditors did. Respect his decision.

carpe diem said...

jun...The responsibility is his. I am only there to shake him up as he would want me to.

DeluSion...It does. We all have our own breaking point.

Skyhawk...He is smart but he does not want to break a few hearts for now.

Janvier...He knows why I ask the way I ask. It was non confrontational. I laid out the bare facts to him in a very civil manner and asked him if he really was ready to face the challenge ahead. I asked him to seek deep inside and within himself to find out what he really wants first, then only consider the people around him and work around the issue around those people.

nicky05...True friends should be honest towards each other and be there to advise when asked to. In this case the advice was solicited.

KW said...

Sad, just sad...

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