Friday, March 26, 2010

Bloody Mouth

I know for a fact that I have a fear of seeing human blood.  Every time I see blood, my heart will beat a little faster, maybe skip a beat!    I will feel the chill down my spine.  Slowly but surely, I can feel my body become cold.  I will start to tremble.  The next thing I know, I would feel dizzy and start to see black spots.  I would then have to calm myself down.  I would tell myself that everything is all right.  I will try to breath a little deeper.  I will make sure that I keep my eyes open.  I know that if I ever shut my eyes, I would faint.  I will  continue to take deep breath. I will  have a little heart to brain talk to try and prep myself up so that I continue to stay alert.

Day before yesterday was no different.  I removed the gauze the dentist left in my mouth two hours after the extraction.  It was wet and I did not like the feeling of some wet stuff sticking in my gums.  I did not bother to bite on a new piece of gauze after I removed it.  I felt better that way.

Some eight hours later, I looked at the mirror at the basin and realized how bloody my mouth was. There was blood around my other teeth.  My lips had dried blood around it. There was coagulated blood at the gum area where the canine tooth was extracted.   This jelly like stuff now not only encompass the extracted tooth area but it had spilled over to other parts of my mouth.

I remember that I should not gargle.  So I did not.  I tried spitting the blood out.  There was more to spit out.  I saw my bloodied mouth and the coagulated blood.  I was starting to get a little weak on my knees.  All I mentioned above was happening again. 

The only dentist I can call now at this late hour is Him.  After a few text messages, I called.  I had no choice.  Luckily he answered.  He told me to bite on the gauze as hard as I can.  If not enough, add more gauze, and drink very very cold drinks.  Later I texted him again.  I asked him what about the coagulated blood? Do I spit it out? Do I dig it out?  There was no reply.  So I just simply followed.  I bit the gauze hard.  I put an ice pack on my cheek.  I slept with the gauze in my mouth.

This last happened when I was in primary school.  My mum asked how come there was blood stains on my shirt.  I told her it was paint from art class.  She got a shock when she saw my bloodied mouth later.  I cannot remember what she did to help me.  I know for sure that I was scared shit.  I did not know how to tell her the truth.  Because of that incident,  I made sure that I took good care of my teeth. I  made sure I need not get any tooth extracted.   But day before yesterday, two of my healthy good teeth had to be extracted.  I was at a loss as what to do with my bloodied mouth.

Thanks for helping me manage the bleed.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Extraction

The orthodontist sent me over to a dentist next door for my teeth extraction.  My name was called.  I went in and the dentist injected local anesthetic onto the gums.  I saw how large the syringe was.  Unlike the ones used in private practice, this one was made of stainless steel.  The length is at least 15cm.  After the injection, she told me to go outside and wait for the anesthetic to work its way around the teeth.  Soon I felt my left jaw and gums numbed.

During this time I was having a little conversation and jostling within myself in my mind.  Do I really want this?  The teeth don't look that bad .  I need not put myself through all this trauma.  One part of me was trying to get the other to abort the whole idea.  To make things worse, I was feeling chilly and my limbs started to tremble a little.  I was also afraid of fainting on the chair because blood was not reaching my brain as much and as fast as I need it too.  I thought a little and said to myself, " What the hack.  You want this all this while and lets get it over with.  What if you live to regret not getting your teeth done"

The nurse called my name.  I sat on the chair.  It was reclined.  I told the dentist that I could feel the wisdom tooth with my tongue.  She put some pressure near the gums around that tooth and asked if it was pain or just pressure.  I told her it was just pressure.  Then that is just right.  She told me to relax my shoulders and arms.  I was to raise my hand if I felt pain.  She started with the wisdom tooth.  I could feel that she was trying to dislodge the tooth.  She was trying to move the tooth sideways.  I was then asked relax again and not to fight back.  Next thing I knew the wisdom tooth was already extracted.

She did the same for the canine tooth.  However it was tougher.  I could hear her breathing a little heavier.  She tried at least three times.  I was asking myself what if she has to do a surgery to get it out.  Worse still if the tooth breaks with some parts still embedded in the gums.  Before I realized, the tooth was already extracted.  Again it was not as bad as I had imagined it to be.

I was surprised.  I was alert.  There was no pain.   I got up, walked to the counter, paid RM2.00 for the extraction, collected the painkiller and drove off.   I ran a few errands before I went back home.  I did not faint after all.

My Two Front Teeth

I had always wanted to get my crooked and overlapped two front incisor teeth realigned since school days.  It is really not that bad compared to some other people's whom I have seen.  But I am vain and I really have an issue with that.  I never got around to do it because of the cost involved.  During the CNY gathering, I consulted a dentist friend of mine.  Contacts were made to his course mate who is still in His Majesty's Service to look into my case.

During my first visit, this orthodontist took an impression of my teeth.  I was also asked to have two X-rays done for my teeth.  We discussed at great length the different treatments available.  I was taken aback when he told me that I should not and cannot crown my two front teeth as advised by two dentist in private practice.  From his explanation, I realized that the dentists in private practice did not take other important and pertinent issues into consideration.  Maybe they are not orthodontists.  I would not be able to bite my upper and lower teeth properly.  The upper and lower teeth would be misaligned after the crowning!  The outcome would have been disastrous! The orthodontist recommended wearing braces.  We also discussed some of the more expensive braces but aesthetically eye pleasing ones.  There is the porcelain ones where people would not be able to see the metal pieces when you open your mouth.  There is also a procedure where the duration of wearing the braces can be reduced.  He would embed two pins into the gums and use them to hold and align the braces.  It sounded gory but he assured me that there would be minimal discomfort. I suppose that is the privilege of having some friends who can connect you up.  You get more attention. 

Today was the second appointment.  The orthodontist had a good look at the X-rays and showed me the impression of my teeth.  He told me that it would not be possible to file my teeth which I was hoping he could do.  That way I would be able to save the four teeth he need to extract.  He told me to consider carefully.  Once the teeth is extracted, there is no turning back.  I am really lousy with pain and seeing blood.  It really scares me.  I have nearly fainted a few times when I saw blood or come into contact with it. 

The orthodontist then suggested that I extract the wisdom tooth that is of no use.  That will give him the space he need to rearrange the teeth.  An implant would be done.  The two front incisor teeth will be moved apart so that that they no longer overlap when the rest of the teeth are moved towards the back of the jaw.  Then the next procedure would be to move the two front teeth inwards and align them with the rest.  If I am not satisfied, then only would we consider extraction.  This would be a more conservative treatment.  This sounded more palatable to me.

He told me that I could leave the lower teeth as it is since there would be no misalignment between the upper and lower teeth.  Alternatively I could extract one of my canine tooth, file the rest of it and have my braces fixed.  I agreed to this procedure.

I used to question and pass some sarcastic remarks when people go to great lengths to look good.  I suppose today I get an opportunity to understand these people better.   I also got to know myself a little better too.  Even though I have a phobia with pain and blood, I am willing to go through all this hassle and discomfort which will last for at least two years. After that I would still need to wear a retainer to ensure that it does not relapse.  I am so vain.

Friday, March 19, 2010


Over the weekend I was telling my friend about how important it is to protect our eyes from the strong sun rays these days.  I advised him the importance of wearing sunglasses.  He told me he never had a pair.  I told him that he should get one since he leaves 5 sharp after work for home while the sun is still shining bright.  He will need it when he goes out for lunch too.  I introduced him to this optical shop at a  mall.

My friend went to collect his sunglasses this evening and I tagged along.  After the sale was concluded, I asked my friend whether the salesperson gave him any free gifts.  He replied in the negative.  I am pretty good at asking for specials, discounts and free stuffs.  It is a habit of mine.  There is no harm asking.  You sure will get nothing if you do not ask.  The sales person will accede to your request and fancy until the equilibrium is met.  In short they will entertain your whims and fancies and humor you till they cannot afford to anymore.

These sales people want to make a sale.  They want to keep their customer.  They want their customer to be happy, to come back again and to introduce more friends and others to their shop.  The competition is stiff and it still is a buyers' market.  I decided to put my rusty skills to test.  I asked and my friend got a Rayban cap.  I went further and asked for one too.  I was just trying my luck. Guess what?  They gave me one too!

We then proceeded to have dinner at a restaurant.  I had chicken.  I though that there was a lot of bones on this chicken leg.  The meat was tough.  Only later when I have almost finished that I realized that I was given the wings instead.  The picture on the menu was the chicken leg.  I never liked the wing except for charcoal  grilled wings.  We finished our meal and I called for the bill.

I decided to try again.

In a nice, jovial and joking manner, I complained to the waitress.  Surprisingly she responded.  She smiled and told me in a jovial manner that she would inform her manager.  There was light banter between the both of us.  I asked her to tell her boss to throw in  free desserts for the both of us.  She did exactly that.  The manager came, apologized and told me that I could ask for my preferred cut of the meat when I order again next time.  She then offered to compensate us with desserts which we happily accepted.

It was not so much of the free gift or food.  I wanted to test and see how these two outlets would like their customers to remember them as the they exit their premises.  I must say that both the staff at these two outlets passed with flying colors.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Closure

From the beginning...
When I first started blogging I wrote about someone whom I have met and fallen for.  I was pretty messed up then. From being a nice person, he turned ugly. I am sure he would have felt the same about me too.  I was really worked up when he started accusing me for things that I did not do.  I turned to some friends who helped walk me through this.  I am thankful to them.

I am one person who would rather retreat and try to work things out.  Maybe I am not a fighter.   Never mind if we are not meant for each other.  Only time will tell.  I would not want to make an enemy out of you.  I do not believe that your actions and words were intentional.  I am sure I was at fault too.  After all it takes two hand to clap.

You are a strong person.  I was at the receiving end.  So naturally it would be easier for you to let go.  I was the one chasing. So I was the one who got hurt more. The wound  have healed but the scar may stay. With the passing of time, we all would get over it.  All this has come to pass.

I am happy for you if you have found the right one.  I tried to salvage whatever that was left and you told me enough was enough.  My principle in life is simple.  If I really love the person, I would have to let him go.  That is after all what he has asked for.   Surprisingly, I was willing to let you go.

I suppose my strength is also my weakness and my weakness is also my strength.

You are a nice person.  I know that you care.  You have a kind heart even to the one you do not love.  I experienced that myself.  I am glad that we are still friends. 

Initially, I wanted to immortalize this experience in words so that one day I can walk through it again when I am really sober.  For this moment in time, I shall leave it as it is.  I believe that it would no longer be necessary to do so.  There is finally a closure.

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. 
A healed memory is not a deleted memory. 
Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. 
We change our memory of our past into a hope for our future
- Lewis Smedes

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Public Service Revisited

Just after CNY, my dentist friend who has gone private in Singapore arranged for me to see his course mate who is an orthodontist at the Shah Alam Government Specialist Hospital.  The orthodontist gave me the wrong address and I was like forty five minutes late.

I was referred to the orthodontist's room.  I was attended by a Chinese nurse, whom I later found out to be the Sister.  She was rude.  She asked loudly if I had an appointment.  I told her I had one at 10am.  She then told me that I was late.  She asked why I was late.  I told her that the orthodontist gave me the wrong address.  She looked at the referral letter and said that it is from a private clinic.  I told her that the dentist from the private clinic had contacted the orthodontist before writing the referral letter.  The Sister then said that I  have to make an appointment first.  I told her that the appointment is at 10 am.  The orthodontist himself made the appointment for me.  Only then did she stop her nonsense.  I so wanted to tell her off but decided not too because she would be assisting the orthodontist for my treatment.  I also did not want to embarrass the orthodontist.

The way these people work makes me puke  blood.  We have all watched some movie scenes where the frames are slow-motioned to create a desired effect.  Here, I am part of the cast. Some have attitude issues, while others move around and do their work like they have not been fed for days.  I so want to wring their neck and knock their head.

My experience did not end there.

Yesterday I went to another Government Hospital to have the X-Ray required done.  I was told by the staff at the radiography department that since I was attended to by that hospital I should go to another hospital for my X-Ray.  She asked me why I came to her hospital.  I replied that it is near my house (which is not).  I then told her that the Doctor told me I could go to any government hospital including GHKL.  Satisfied? She proceeded to register me.  She spent a good 3 minutes chatting and recommending pinjaman peribadi with another colleague before starting to key-in my particulars in the computer.  I cannot help but notice their work attitude.

No wonder some of us always need to be subsidized and assisted.

Friday, March 12, 2010

The Exam

I got through.  After three rounds of grueling interviews and viva voce, I made it!  I have been accepted as a management trainee in this prestigious MNC.  I would be sent to the UK for six months of training, after which I shall be posted to one of their divisions around the world.

Wait.  I shall have to pass the medical examination first.  The offer is conditional upon the doctor certifying me to be fit for work.  That should not be a problem.  I do not do all the three vices.  I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I am not into women!

Saturday came.  I have made prior appointment with the appointed clinic downtown.   My appointment was 4pm.  It is a well equipped private practice.  I arrived 15 minutes early.  I was asked to fill up the necessary forms and told to wait at the holding area.  There was one other patient waiting.

The nurse called out for the patient to go into the room.  I looked at my watch.  My appointment was running late.  It is already 4.15pm.  The patient took about 15 minutes and emerged from the doctor’s room.  I was next.

Inside, there were two gentlemen.  One of them was in his forties.  The gentleman was medium built, wears a pair of glasses and was prim and proper.  We exchanged pleasantries and the mid-forty doctor introduced the other as an intern.  In his early to mid twenties, the gentleman was slim, with a pair of glasses.  He had short hair, smooth skin and looked very boyish.  Both were in long sleeved shirts.  The doctor was in a plain light blue colored shirt while the intern wore a light grey checkered shirt.  The doctor was in pleated slacks while the intern wore a flat front slack.

I was asked if I agree to have the intern in the room during the medical examination.  Some procedures were to be performed by the intern.   I was assured that everything would be kept private and confidential and the doctor patient code of conduct applies.  I have no issue with that.

I was asked to take off my shoes and empty my pockets.  A tray was provided for me to store my belongings. The intern proceeded by taking my height and weight.  Next I was asked to read the color code.  It was easy at first.  By the fifth page, I was having a little difficulty deciphering it.  The intern asked a second time.  I knew my first answer was not correct.  I tried again and got it right this time.  He smiled.  Thank goodness, he did not flip over to the next page.  I was asked to stand at a certain distance and told to read the letters on the illuminated board.  I had no problem with that at all.

The intern invited me back to my seat and flipped through a few sheets of paper and started a Q and A session.  The questions were pretty standard and I remember answering “No” to most of it.

Blood was drawn by the intern using two syringes.  Two tubular containers were used to store the blood sample drawn.  Next he took my blood pressure.

The doctor then took over.  I was asked to open my eyes.  He shone a small torch to check the pupil.  Then he put something in the ear canal and looked through it.  Next, he examined the throat and teeth.

A call came through.  The doctor answered.  Apparently he had an emergency and had to abandon the session.  I asked if the intern could continue with the rest of the examination so that I would not have to come back again the next day.  After a short pause, the doctor agreed.

The intern started by asking me to take off my T-shirt.  He listened to my chest using a stethoscope, asking me to breathe in and out.  He then put the stethoscope at my back and asked me to do the same.

I was asked to lie on the bed.  The intern palpated my chest. The abdomen was next.  A little pressure was used.  The left side was palpated first, then the right side.  Last was the stomach and gut area.

The intern then asked me to sit up on the bed.  He used a small hammer and knocked on my kneecap.  There was an instant lower limb reflex.  Something was used to scrap my sole.  I could feel it.

I alighted from the bed as instructed by the intern.  I was then asked to take off my pants.  The intern was apologetic.   I assured him that I was fine.  He went further and asked me to drop my briefs too.  I was a little hesitant but I knew that it was part of the examination.  By now I was stark naked in front of the intern.  I put my hands to cover my privates while asking him to ensure that the door is locked.  I was afraid that the nurse would come in.  He checked and said it was.

The intern asked me to stand facing him while he was seated.  I was asked to stand with my legs spread a little wide.  He told me to put my hands behind the back of my head.  I was scared, shy, tensed and a little excited, all at the same time.  He touched my pubic hair as if searching for something.  Then he held on to my penis which was now beginning to erect, slowly but surely.

The next thing I knew, he retracted my foreskin.  The glands were fully exposed and it was glistening in pinkish hue.  I was at a lost. I did not know how to react and what to say.  I remember apologizing.  The intern told me to relax.  He assured me that it was normal and it happens to him as well!  I was a little surprised.

What does he mean by that?  I looked down his pants and I realized that he had a little tent on his fly.  However I was not sure whether it was like that when I first entered the room. The intern told me to cough.  He asked me to do it again, this time louder.

He then used his thumb and fingers to touch and feel my left testicles, then the right one.  The erection is now full and I could feel the shaft twitch voluntarily from time to time causing further erection.  My face and head felt hot.  I think I am blushing.  I took a little glance at the intern’s pants.  I was very sure his organ was erect too!

I was then asked to move towards the examination bed.  I was asked to turn around, bend down with my hands holding onto the bed.   The intern asked me to spread my legs a little.  He then spread my buttock cheeks apart, exposing my anus.  He applied some gel around the anus area.  I think the gel was also applied freely into the cavity as well.

I felt nervous.  I think the intern realized that.  He asked me to calm down.  He told me I would be all right.  He explained to me that he will be inserting his finger into my anus to examine my prostate.  I remember asking him if I really have to go through this.  I thought this is only necessary for adult males in their forties and above.  He assured me that it was required as stated in the forms provided by my employer.  I had no choice.  He told me to take a slow but deep breath.  I was to do this to his count.  As he asked me to breath in deeply the second time, I felt something inserted into my anus.  It went deep inside.  Then I felt the object moving around something that felt round in shape.  I think that must be my prostate. I cannot remember it went on for how long.  Maybe it did not take that long but it felt like a while.  I felt funny.  The anus muscle contracted.  I felt like I was going to defecate.  I was also surprised that I my erection was full blown despite my anxiety throughout this part of the examination.  There was some pre ejaculatory fluid on the glands.

The intern then gave me some tissues for me to wipe myself off.  He gave me a small beaker and asked me to provide him with a mid stream urine sample on the spot in front of him.  I told him that I am not able to pass urine while people are watching.  I have never been able to urinate at the public urinals no matter how full my bladder is.  He told me to turn around and urinate into the beaker and he would not watch.  It took a while but I finally managed to.

The next thing that happened was the weirdest.  I was handed another beaker.  The intern told me that he needed a sample of my sperm.  I was dumbfounded.  I nearly wanted to cry.  My eyes were a little wet.  My face was numb and looked pale.  The intern realized and held my hands.  He tried to reassure me that everything was all right.  He told me to look at the brighter side.  It would be over soon. I have done pretty well.  He promised me that it would be private and confidential and I need not worry about anything leaking out of this room.  I was a little comforted.  He led me to a corner of the small room to do it.  I could call for him if I needed too.  Eventually I got over it and gave him the sample he needed.

Lastly the intern told me to dress up.  After that he told me to sit down.  We had a little chat.  The intern was concerned over my reaction to some parts of my examination. I told him I have never had a physical examination so thorough before.   He assured me that it was normal to feel awkward and have that anxiety.

The intern then wrote down on a piece of paper his contact no.  He asked me to contact him if I need any assistance or further clarification.  I thanked him and we bade each other goodbye.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Mandarin Class Level 1

My Level 1 Conversational Mandarin Class ended today.  From a big class of more than twenty students, it dwindled to about six.  There were about twelve to fifteen students at best when attendance was good. 

Today we were presented with our attendance certificate, a questionaire. A dozen of us were present. 

I did learn a fair bit though I am not good at the language yet.  I know realize that most Malaysians actually speaking colloquial Mandarin. 

I made some interesting observations. 

There is a Malay guy who can write and remember the chinese characters.  We were not taught how to write.   He cannot pronounce and get the intonation right but he can recognize the chinese characters and their real meaning.   I finally found out that he wanted to go to Shanghai to work because his gal is a PRC citizen.  That so make sense of the extraordinary effort he has been putting in.

There were two local Indian students who were pretty good.  They may not be able to speak as well as me but they are pretty good by any standard.  They remind me of the many Indian tailors all over the world.  They speak the language of the country they reside at so fluently.

Two other teenage students were basically wasting their parent's money.  These two buddies use the class sessions as opportunities to meet.  They are late most of the time and they have been skipping classes.

From five caucasian ladies, only one was left.  This English lady can speak pretty well too.  I am sure before the end of the year she would be able to speak fluent Mandarin.

The oldest student in the class is at least fifty plus.  A local Chinese guy, he is pretty impatient.  He still cannot pronounce the words properly and he has not been observing the intonation strokes.

As for myself,  I need to start conversing the language in whatever situation that I can catch hold of.  Only then can I improve my speach intonation and vocabulary.  I am still a bit too shy to speak in Mandarin to those whom I have been conversing in English till now.  It feels kind of funny I suppose.  They would be scrutinizing every single word that is coming out of my mouth.  I must somehow overcome this.

Level 2 starts after a week's break and I have signed up for it.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Missed Connection

Exactly one week ago...

I was already late for class and getting fidgety.  I was stalled at the cross junction waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. The lights were like red forever.

I turned to my right and noticed a light blue Vios had just pulled over.  I noticed.  The lad's windows were down and he was wiping off his sweat.  He must have just finished a jog at the nearby park.  The medium built lad was in sleeveless vest.  Cool, decent and baby faced, he looked adorable.  His skin was fair and he had I believe some freckles on his cheeks.  He looked decent. 

I looked to the front.  The lights would still be red for a while.  Only now have the vehicles from another junction been let off.  Being fidgety, not realizing, i was slowly turning my head.  I was looking around, firstly to my left, then to the front, then to the right, the front and then to the left again.

Momentarily, my eyes were locked onto his.  Instantaneously I quickly looked to the front again.   I then realized that the lad had actually been observing me.  I took a glance at him again.  This time I decided to look at him a little longer, moving my eyeballs around him and his vehicle so as not to be seen rude staring at him.  Then I again moved my view to the front.  I observed from the corner of my eyes.  His head was facing me and I was pretty sure he was checking me out!  I looked right into his eyes again and he looked at mine.  Though it was just for a few seconds it felt like our eyes were locked for a while.

I tried nodding my head as a friendly gesture but my brain just did not allow it to move.  The brain knew that I was trying to initiate and it would not allow. The brain wanted me to concentrate on how to arrive at class ASAP.   I looked to the front and then to his side again. I saw him wiping his forhead and then looking at me again.  I so wanted to wind down my car window asking him for his contact no.  Again my brain did not allow me to initiate the flirt.

He looked too straight to be sizing me up.  I tried looking out for other signs.  There were none save for some black earing pins on his right earlobe.  I don't know whether his left earlobe had any.

The lights finally turned green.. I sped off towards the city on MEX while he drove towards Cheras on MRR2.

I took down his car registration no. 
I wonder if I would be able to google it out?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Two Weeks

My internet connection has been out since Friday. A few days earlier, the internet provider sent a notice to all customers that they would be upgrading their systems to better serve its customers.  Instead of getting a faster connection and surfing speed, I was completely cut off.

First, Customer Service tells me that there is congestion.  Next, they tell me their  whole system is down.  Later, they tell me I am connected to a station which they cannot locate.  Can you beat that?  Am I connected to Mars?  From telling me that my internet connection will be up in one hour, then extending the downtime to a few more hours, Customer Service finally said: "We are upgrading our system.  We are having some congestion problem.  We sympathize with you but we will need you to help us  monitor your internet connection for the next two weeks!!!"

So what does that mean?  I will be cut off from the world for two weeks?  I asked for a rebate which they quickly obliged.  But what about my lost time and inconvenience?  What if I need the internet access for business or work purposes?

The customer service asked me to monitor and wait for two weeks!!!  Can you believe that? 

Twenty years ago, it would take about two weeks for a mail to arrive at the UK.  Now by the press of a button, your UK friend would be able to receive your mail almost instanteneously.  Two weeks is so very very long in this cyberworld today.  They have the cheek to ask me to wait and monitor the situation for two more weeks!  I wonder if they know what impression they are giving me on their company?  What if I still cannot connect?

In two weeks the world could have fallen apart!!!

This is so Malaysia Boleh.  Completely unbelievable.  We started wiring the country about the same time South Korea did.  But we are now heaven and hell apart!

I rest my case.