Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Dinner

From the beginning...

Saturday finally arrived.  The agreed arrangement was for me to pick you up at about 5pm.  You finished work early and by 4pm you already texted me.  I was not ready yet. I texted you I would pick you up at 5.30pm.  I had a quick shower and shave.  

My breathing was shallow and a little heavy.  On the one hand I was really looking forward to meeting you.  On the other, I wondered what the outcome would be.  Would the evening turn out to be a one off meeting?  Would we meet each others expectations in all respects?  Would we be able to converse as well as we could over the phone? Maybe we should just continue on the phone forever.   My thoughts were all over as I tried to shave.  I told myself to be calm. I told myself not to expect anything much.  I would be more than happy if we could still remain friends like before we met after this evening’s dinner.

It rained cats and dogs.  I picked you up from your boss’s condo.  You were in an old MU T-shirt with slacks and dress shoes.  I took a short good look at you.  You were a next door looking kind of person.  You were neat and pleasant. You told me you forgot to bring your jeans and hence your mismatched attire.  I never really saw that as an issue and told you that it never mattered to me. I asked you to take it easy and just enjoy the evening. I asked where and what you wanted to eat.  You replied anywhere and anything except Japanese food and posh place (because of your attire).

We went to Jalan Bangkung in Bangsar.  You looked a bit lost reading the menu.  I described the items in the menu to you.  We agreed to share.  I ordered fish and you ordered poultry.  While waiting for the meal to arrive, we chat and shared.  We talked just about everything under the sun. 

You lamented how some people were rude and started hurling abusive words when you did not want to tell them too much about yourself.  In passing, you told me how you did not like the way the conversation on the MSN we had were going and you were about to cut me off.  I was asking so much and telling so little that you felt that I was interrogating you.  I asked why you allowed it to continue so far till you were willing to give out your contact no.  Your reply was an eye opener to me.  My English caught your attention.  Really?!!!  It is just normal simple everyday English. You told me that the way I wrote and the simple words I use showed up glaringly. Apparently "Ordinary people dont write like that"!

You told me of your only relationship where you were made to travel every day after class to town to wait for him.  How you were so stressed up and tired with the time taken for travelling.  How it was affecting you and your studies that you called it off. You told me you now want to concentrate on your career for at least the next three years.  Relationships are a no no for now.

You shared with me about your family.  How your parents were strict and where and what your siblings are working now.  You showed me the scar on your right arm where a metal plate was implanted to hold your fractured humerus, all due to arm wrestling.  You told me how you still help your parents at the provision shop during your weekends when you are not in town.  You showed me and I touched your palms which were a little rough from the years of helping out at the shop.

You told me how you drooled at some of your handsome patients. You were excited when you shared with me how some patients asked you to unmask so they can see how you look like!

You complained about how your boss treats you and some of his patients.  How you disliked his arrogance.  You whine over how he looks down on you and your dressing.  Apparently wearing unbranded shorts to bed shows that you are not refined.  Not wearing cK means you are not in vogue. Your boss says how he needs to whip you up so that you would be be able to carry yourself better.  I told you to do what you believe is right and care not what other people say or comment, myself included. I did not ask but you shared how your boss fished to find out your orientation and what happened after that. 

You looked at me and commented that I have fair skin.  You told me that my eyes looked bigger in real person than on the photo I sent to you.  I am not photogenic. Though I looked better in real life, I am just an ordinary looking bloke.

You invited me to visit you at the other town where you work.  There was an extra mattress.  I could bunk in with you, but only on week days because you would be in town or your hometown on weekends. You explained why I need to be on another mattress less I would get kicked when you tossed around while you were asleep. 

You told me that you like talking to old people. Then on the same breath you asked if you could visit my parents!   I looked at you in disbelief and horror.  Naturally I politely declined you.  You tried to convince me that old people like people to chat with them.  I sure know that but no way at this juncture am I going to bring you home.  How am I to explain myself to them?  

Interspersed within the conversation we were having, I shared with you details of myself.  I realized that we have similar interests.  I suspect we have a lot in common.  I commented that you too looked fair but you disagreed.  I expressed to you how happy I was because there was someone around to share a meal with me on this occasion.  I liked the way you talk.  At times animated, your speech grows louder and faster as you become more excited.  Sometimes it would be punctuated.  Otherwise your voice would be flat and in monotone.  But always honest and sincere, I believe.

I looked at your face and expression during the conversation and you suddenly realized.  You smiled and asked what I was looking at.  I replied in the negative.  I then realized that you actually have a very beautiful smile. It was the same smile on the photo on the internet which caught my attention.  Only this time, you are real with your eyes unmasked.

We ordered some desserts to share.  It was still raining.  We stayed back and chat for a while before leaving.

Since there were no plans and you had to work the next day, I suggested we drive around.

to be continued...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

If we are meant to be.....

From the beginning...

You looked stunning.  Smiling and grinning from ear to ear, I can see your beautiful set of teeth.  You were wearing sunglasses and flashing a Victory sign.  The scenery is beautiful.  You were sitting on what I believed is a donkey or a miniature horse. I thought maybe it was at Machu Picchu.

I also noticed that you wrote down in your profile that you are a professional, working at 3 different locations  What kind of job is that which requires you to travel to 3 different locations so far a part?   Hmm...sounds interesting and I was certainly curious.  Curious about the place the stock photo was taken and also the kind of job you hold.

So I decided to pop the question in an email to you:
Nice picture u took. Can I get to know u better as a friend? Wat do u work as?

You replied on 1 November at 9.27am:
Hi, sure...just add me in msn: @*&^$ May be we can chat more over there

I am seldom online.  What more during working hours.  But I decided to come home early one late afternoon.  For whatever reason, I signed on to the MSN and I noticed that you were online.  So I greeted you with some simple pleasantries.  We chat for a while.  As usual I always keep my guard up and asked many questions without telling much about myself.  When you did ask, I was evasive and did not tell you much.  I realized that you were not very comfortable with me and I decided to make amends.  We continued and exchanged contact nos. just before you signed off.

I waited for you to sms for me to call you later that evening.  That was our agreement.  You did.  We chat for a whole hour or two.  It was as if we have lost touch for a long time and were trying to catch up on the old good days!  The fact of the matter is that we hardly know each other for more than a few lines of conversation through cyberspace.

You were nice to chat with, polite and courteous.  Our conversation revolved around almost everything except what normally people like us would be talking about or asking.  I was pleasantly surprised too.  I found out who you were, where you worked, etc.  Early next morning I sent you a text message.  You asked why am I up so early?  I really don't know.  I suppose I was excited.  We seemed to have so much to share so much so that we continued with this chat over the next few days. We also texted each other over the days.  I was looking forward to chatting with you.  Though young, your thoughts are mature and you can certainly carry a conversation well. You make me tick.

As it was my birthday on that weekend, I invited you to have a meal with me.  Just you and me.  Normally it would be just another boring day.  Nothing really happens on my birthday.  I could sense that for some reason you were more than happy to meet me up to!  So this year my birthday would be different.

to be continued...


One of the things I want to accomplish this year is to get into shape and stay fit.  I told my trainer that I would like to look good by Chinese New Year at least and proceed from there.  I m certainly not hoping to be Arnie.  No bulk but just toned and stay that for long term.  I am pretty fit but I am certainly flabby.  I have been missing my gym workouts for more than a year now.  I was so busy with some pro bono work.

Today I pulled myself out of bed and joined the traffic jam.  I arrived at the gym just in time for the workout with my trainer.  I could hardly lift what I was lifting the last time.  Part of the reason was because of the long absence from workout.  But the main reason was that my mind was not there.  My mind was all over except on the weights.

I was and still am pondering over the many issues in life that I am facing.

Until and unless I resolve them one at a time, I would still not be able to concentrate and focus on just about everything.  Until and unless I come to my senses, I would be drowned.  I would waste yet another year!

Life is too short and I have to do what I have to do!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Back To School

I started my first lesson in conversational Mandarin today.

I had the opportunity to learn Mandarin during my childhood days but it never took off because to put it plainly, there were better things to do on early Sunday mornings.  Sleeping in was a good enough reason! I quit the tuition the first instance I could.

I found myself wanting to learn this language at a later part of my life.  I realized that I was listening to more and more Mandarin songs.  At first I was contented to just listening to the melody.  Later, I  realized that I wanted to know the meaning of some of the lyrics. 

Due to the recent turn of events, I wanted to fill up my time with more productive endeavors.  I also want to dedicate 2010 to a year of learning, unlearning and relearning.

The class was a pretty big class.  The teacher was a local who has been teaching for more than 4 years.  He was working in broadcasting and is pretty animated and expressive.  Save for two Malaysian Indian schooling teenagers, the rest were working adults.  Two Japanese, one Uruguayan, two British, one Polish, one Australian and the rest of us Malaysians made up the rest of the class.  We were thought pronunciation and we were taught using Hanyu Pinyin. It kind of reminded me of Mr. Brown and his students from countries all over the world!

I was a bit hesitant during the afternoon before the class because it means going to a new place, meeting new people - something I am never comfortable with which I have always tried to avoid.  I told myself that I have always wanted to speak Mandarin and I have paid for the lessons.  Anyway, I suppose it will do me more good too if I get to arrest this fear of mine.The traffic was bad but I managed to get to class on time, thanks to paying the tolls twice for a half a kilometer distance to avoid the traffic jam.

I was a bit loss in class.  I suppose everyone was except those who already had a bit of understanding of the language.  The two hour session was fun and I am looking forward to the second class.

Monday, January 4, 2010

First Day Blues

Today marks the first school day for many kids. It would be a new experience for many. I remember the feeling that comes with each new schooling year. No matter how many years I have been in the school, there are still adjustments to be made. New teachers, new rules, new directions and different expectations. I suppose I am not the guy who likes changes.

Today also marks the first working day for many. Many will start with new vigor and new goals and targets in sight. Many of us will put in greater effort, giving it a big push. There will be challenges and barriers along the way. We will have to be persistent. We will have to be patient. We must have faith. Life will present itself in many ways and how we deal with it will determine the success which we shall reap at the end of the year.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Why am I here?

The main reason I decided to start this blog is because I realized that writing out what I have in my heart calms my mind and is in a way therapeutic. I have been writing reports for as long as I can remember. So much so that I try not to write anymore than is necessary. However, a recent string of events gave me no choice but to write again. The only way to convey my thoughts and message across was to write to the person. I do not know though whether the person read the few letters I wrote or just threw it into the bin. What I realized was that each time I finished writing, I felt calmer and more at ease. The fact that I am able to explain my stand and that I was wronged made me feel better.

The second reason is that I would like to arrest this fear of mine in dealing with IT. I would like to learn how to handle this. The confines of the blog will be a good starting point.

Lastly I hope to again put my photography skills to use once more. It is rusty and hopefully there will be more photos on this blog in time to come.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


“Love that we cannot have is the one that last the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest”