Love & Relationship

I met a friend recently over a meal. We are pretty close and I kinda sensed something was amiss.  He has just started on a relationship.  A long distance one to be exact.

He poured his heart's content out to me and I listened intently.

I am no guru in this field, failing myself to get anything off the ground after coming to terms three years after my one and only nine year relationship collapsed.  Through those trying times to keep the relationship together and through those rough times when I was left licking my wounds, I learn a lot.  After coming to terms with the breakup, there was a constant fear of history repeating itself.  The guards were up to avoid being inflicted. It took three long years before I tried again. I offered him some insights into my thoughts.

Some people are naturally very good with their words and actions.  Being lovey dovey with words and actions.  Others are just very straight forward and plain.  However strong your hints are, they ain't no nice words coming out from their mouth.  Whichever side we belong to depends on the environment we operate from and our upbringing.  There is no right and no wrong.  You will know if he is your man when your chips are down, when you run out of steam.  For whatever salt he is worth, your man will stand by you.

Some words are harsh.  Some words are so sharp that they slice your heart continuously like a scalpel would.  Again and again, your man will do it unto you, knowing very well that you will writhe and convulse in pain.  The truth is never easy to accept.  Neither is it nice to hear.  The truth hurts.  However, only your closest and most faithful will call a spade a spade!  And when you think that he is going to let you bleed to death, your man will pick you up and nurse you back to life. He should.

When all is sunny, nothing can go wrong.  The test is when your chips are down.  Will he be there for you? When you no longer are "new", pretty and sparkling, will he be there?  When the music has stopped and when the reality of what the life of a couple is all about sets in, will you both be there for each other? Through good and bad times.

Now that the courtship is over, you are two different individuals trying to co-exist and live as one. There are bound to be differences.  You cannot have things your way, he cannot have things his way.  If he had given in to you most or all the time before this, then you must be prepared to accept that  his mating dance may have come to a halt. Eventually it will.   The sparks which transformed into a plethora of fireworks will eventually turn into flickers and subsequently embers.  The same repertoire of fireworks will bore you after a while anyway!

You will go through different phases of your lives as a couple.  Every day there will be new discoveries and new things to explore.  There will be new frontiers to pursue as you both grow and learn to live with each other.  Along the way, if you open yourself up and are willing to embrace him for what he is, you will learn to accept his peculiarities.  He will learn to change and adapt to yours.  You will both learn to appreciate the diversity of each others' thoughts and actions as much as the similarities you both share.

"SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. 

It will NEVER just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. 

You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. "

While yesterday your feelings towards him might be through the hot blooded raging hormones, today you might fall for his looks and physique.  Maybe you like his level of maturity which is way beyond his age.  Tomorrow and for rest of the days to come, you both will have to accept that sincerity and caring for each other through thick and thin will be the only thing that will bind you both together.  Not the looks that will droop.  Not the physique that will sag.  We will all age, be wrinkled and crouch. There will be sickness and eventually death.  You will have to learn to accept all this.

If he is going to cheat on you, he will.  He can do it right under your nose.  He will do it on your bed.  Nothing is going to stop him from doing just that.  You will never ever find out!  Some of us try to read too much into actions and words.  We think we are smart.  We judge even though we say we would not and we are not.  We assume and we presume.  All in the name of trying to protect ourselves.  Not knowing that this will be the first straw that may eventually pave the road for the unsightly end.  Trust him for what he is.  Until you find out otherwise, don't doubt him.  Why did you both agree to walk down the path of life together if you doubt his faithfulness at this very early days of you both coming together?

The acid test of a relationship is whether you will put him ahead of you.  Will you put his needs and life above yours?  The ultimate test is, WILL YOU DIE FOR HIM? Maybe for now you would not.  Somewhere down the road you will have to answer this for yourself.  If you are willing to, then you are his man.  If his actions and not just his words speak the same, then you have your man.